. . . imagining what life would be like if we all had such power to approve our own pay raises . . .
Dreaming of his own pay hike
After reading of the Council's impending 23% (10 grand) pay raise, I was so excited I could hardly sleep, imagining what life would be like if we all had such power to approve our own pay raises. When I finally drifted off to slumber, I dreamed that I, like the Council, could vote to increase my salary.
In my dream, the scenario went like this:
Me: Boss, I want a 10,000 dollar raise.
Boss: Yikes, that seems like a lot. Didn't you know you were only going to make 42,000 plus benefits when you begged me to give you this job?
Me: Yes, but that was in the last millennium. Times have changed since then. Besides, I spend a lot of time doing work-related stuff.
Boss: Oh? Doing what?
Me: Well, I go to lots of meetings.
Boss: Really? Folks say they rarely see you at meetings and, when you do show up, you often come late and leave early.
Me: Well, forget about the meetings then. I need more money to cover all the solicitations from worthy organizations I get.
Boss: Solicitations that you get? You should see how many times folks ask me for money. Why, last election season, it seemed I was getting two or three requests for money by City Council candidates every day. Can you believe that some of them spend up to 40, 50 or even 60 thousand dollars just to get elected?
Me: Okay, forget about covering solicitations. I need more money, I deserve more money, because I work so hard.
Boss: Work hard? Why, people tell me you're hard to get hold off, you rarely return phone calls, letters or emails. You only have one scheduled work event a week, and even that is cancelled for most of the summer and any other time you feel like you don't want to show up. Just how, exactly, are you working hard? What exactly have you accomplished that warrants a pay raise? Besides, don't you have another job on the side?
Me: Fine, forget about the working hard. I want a ten grand increase in pay because I want it and, what's even better, I don't have to ask you for it. I've got the power to give it to myself. So I'm going to take it.
Boss: Where's your self-respect?
Me: What's that mean?
Boss: Take the 10 grand then, but your contract is up for review in eighteen months. We'll have plenty of time to talk about it then. Is that it?
Me: Not quite. I've also decided I want the company to pay for a personal assistant.
Unfortunately, I woke up at this point and realized that, unlike the City Council, I am not in the position to vote myself massive pay raises. Of course, if making huge amounts of money were important to me, perhaps I would be looking for a different job. Like being a City Councilor.
May 24, 2000